Thursday, 5 April 2012

Moving on ...

Digging numbs the mind
Since my last post, composed on the day before my 54th wedding anniversary, I have found it almost impossible to write about how our life together has changed. Snippets on Facebook, yes, but those occasional words did no more than touch the surface. For we have been catapulted unawares into a world of changes, BOTH of us coming to terms with how R's condition is affecting each of us individually. Both irritable with each other, never knowing what will spark a verbal conflagration, a moment of hurt. So I fall to pieces; cannot communicate; am lost and bewildered, though thank heavens I can still switch almost instantaneously into professional mode.

The blog I began almost a year ago to document my
life, and my love of books; it's destined to include reviews of
the many books that arrive from publishers, and also
interviews with authors. I must manufacture time!
It is tough, wearing two hats, being breadwinner and wife, but at least I had my parents' joint example of professionalism to fall back on. I'll write more about that sometime in my neglected blog, 'A Book-Lover's Journey', which I began last year to document the many influences on my life. Circumstances curtailed the entries; I did not realise why, at the time.

The 16th century farmhouse R. and I bought at auction in 1969, with our
two boys - then aged 6 and 8 (just posted about this
on the village facebook page.
I become maudlin in my old age. But R. and I have moved on since that dreadful day of diagnosis, and the months leading up to it. I find I can cope ... with our beloved children's support, and my late-night Facebook fix - just a few words here and there, a photo or two - I am gradually stitching myself back together, though the mental wounds are still ragged and raw. R. is again enjoying his workshop (the size of a small bungalow!), and his vegetable plot, his work on the house - ongoing even after 40-plus years, and spur-of-the-moment days out, or away in our motorhome, which I am learning to drive (I should have 'L' plates attached, according to R.)

Creating illustrated journals in my caravan studio (messy craft activities
take place indoors, up in the attic roof-space).
Creativity is my lifeline at the moment. I have taken the plunge and am participating (sheepishly) in 'Warwickshire Open Studio'. A huge leap forward for me, personally: textile books and word-whispers combined with manipulated photos of place and living things, and all to be displayed in my caravan studio, about which I posted in my journaling blog a short while ago - and on the official WOS website. Too much about me in this post. It's just good to be muddling along together.